The post this week, in a season its readers know to be an unusual one, came in smaller than expected and, the editor is relieved to add, better behaved. A fair sample runs below, with replies in brackets where some further word seemed wanted. Letters are trimmed for length, and on rare occasion for plausibility.
From the co-honker, the young goose of the north bank, filed early on Wednesday morning
Madam, I write on a matter of small consequence, though one the writer hopes the editor will not think beneath the gazette’s attention. In the running order posted in the reeds on the twenty-sixth of last month, on which the writer finds herself, with some surprise, named, the writer’s full designation is given as “Mabel of the north bank.” The writer is content to be so addressed and is grateful for the trouble taken. She wishes only to ask, against any future printing of the running order, whether the full form will be wanted each time, or whether the shorter form “Mabel” might, on the gazette’s pages, be enough. The writer’s home and origin are in no sense to be hidden. She offers the question only, and undertakes to defer entirely to the gazette’s judgement.
MABEL OF THE NORTH BANK
[The editor accepts the enquiry in the spirit it was offered, which is to say with a courtesy this paper has not lately had in any volume to spare. The practice will be the full address, Mabel of the north bank, on first reference within a dispatch, and the short form after. That is the form the columns have used since the twenty-first of last month, and it will continue. The writer is welcome to these pages whenever her engagements permit. She is wished well of her rehearsals.]
From the coot of the Channel Sprint, filed on Tuesday afternoon
Sir, I write to record, against the moon now approaching, that I stand ready to enter the rematch of the Channel Sprint on whatever date the Clerk of the Race shall, on his return, see fit to appoint. The pebble, which stays in the keeping of the Clerk of the Reed-Bed Subcommittee pending certain matters, is not my concern on this occasion. My concern is the race. The Sprint has now twice waited on the responsible officer, and my third place has waited some weeks already. I will run. I will finish third. I will not, on this occasion, bring the pebble. Further particulars will follow as the moon permits.
COOT
[The pebble’s continued residence with the Clerk is noted, with the observation that the gazette is by now well acquainted with the arrangement. The Clerk of the Race’s return remains, at the hour of going to press, expected.]
From Drake Halford of the east shore, filed Sunday at the customary hour
Sir, I write on a small matter of record. On the twenty-first of last month, in the course of the Cultural Subcommittee’s letters to the candidates not chosen for the co-honker engagement, my own expression of interest was returned to me for my records, which I thought, at the time, civil. The letter sits now in the customary pigeon-hole. I write only to ask whether the gazette can confirm that the return of the letter is, by the Subcommittee’s custom, a sign the matter is fully closed at that body’s end, with nothing further required of the writer. I would not raise it, but that several of my filings this season have been recorded as concluded and later found to be still in train.
DRAKE HALFORD
[The gazette put the question to the Clerk of the Cultural Subcommittee. He indicates that the return of the letter does mean the matter is closed as far as that body is concerned, and that the writer need do nothing more. The gazette is sorry to offer nothing firmer than a Clerk’s indication. On the present showing the indication will serve.]
From a drake of no particular acquaintance, filed at the south reeds
Sir, concerning the small whistle I lodged a description of in the classifieds of the twenty-first of April, being the whistle the Warden of the Sluice is known to have used, in earlier seasons, to summon the deputy in matters of consequence, I write to enquire after the proper course of disposal at the present hour. The whistle has now been in my keeping at the south reeds for some six weeks. The cord is still missing. I have in that time met the Warden on three occasions and on each offered him the article, which on each occasion he has declined to claim, on grounds the writer has not pressed. I am content to hold the whistle on the Warden’s behalf for the foreseeable future. I should be glad, even so, of the gazette’s view as to whether some more formal arrangement is now in order.
A DRAKE OF NO PARTICULAR ACQUAINTANCE
[The editor takes this for a matter the Warden may now reasonably be asked to settle, and undertakes to enquire on the writer’s behalf. A further note will appear in due course, conditions allowing.]
Further correspondence is held over to the next column. Readers are reminded that letters may be honked in the general direction of the reeds. The editor undertakes to read each in full (ish), and to weigh it with what equanimity the week allows.